#sorry im just rambling in the tags now im just going through some shit irl too and feel like absolute garbage

[johnsbleu]

so did u guys like the new chapter or....????

[madeintimeland]

im oversharing this got long sorry. just reminscing on shit ive thought about a million times over again

theres so much art i want to create and so little motivation. i should start smoking weed again bc every time im high i get my best ideas or at least like, it takes away the layer of film over my brain that stops me from being able to come up with creative ideas, but also im scared its going to send me into mental hell again. like i need to be in a perfect state for it lest i fear im going to invoke my months long existential crisis again and i Cannot be doing that shit rn. but also i wonder if its going to be worth it anyways if i can create something to leave on this earth again. like ive been so bad at creativity lately like i want to draw and produce things and im bubbling over with energy and i feel the ideas fermenting in the deep recesses of my brain like theyre nestled into the grooves and folds but i cant access them yet. and i know i can if im stoned. i might turn into a hermit hunched over my tablet all hours of the day just making shit tbh. i absorb so much of the things around me and i know if i try to make something now its going to basically be direct copies of the things i saw but if im high im sure i can actually create something new and beautiful. im scared of being intoxicated again but i was scared to drink again too and i got drunk and proceeded to love it and want to drink every single day because surprise surprise i have alcoholism coded into my dna and consequentially have an addictive personality in general. which is why i felt like my life was useless without weed. all up until i was finally able to get my hands on a stash that would let me smoke whenever i want versus when i would get a small amount every couple of months and completely and utterly fail at ratioing it out and binge it all and then have ridiculously introspective trips where id start to go a little crazy at the end (i have a distinct memory of looking at a meme that had a woman on it and thinking ‘jesus christ... what the fuck is that’ and then spiraled into thinking about how life is pointless but i didnt have enough weed to continue with that train of thought and if i did i may have had my crisis a lot earlier, it was just inevitable) i just felt like being high was the only time i could actually get in touch with my inner self again. like i used to before the thick clouds of depression and psychosis settled in. but then i finally was able to get high for longer than short bursts of time and it all came to a head where my brain broke and i have existential terror now that i feel im going to not be able to deal with confronting again. but every time i say that it never ends up staying permanently, it comes in waves, it all comes in waves. back and forth. i feel beauty in life and then i feel fear. i feel like its all worth it and then i cant stop thinking about the inevitable heat death of the universe and the pointlessness of it all. and then i get a hug or listen to a really good song and i feel like its worth it again. i wonder if this is just a period in my life im not a total stoner or if its actually permanent. anyways point is i want to make so much stuff that my hands ache and my brain rots when i think about how many things inspire me. thats why my aesthetic tag is #inspiration, its been like that for many years now, its stuff that inspires me. but at what point am i going to turn that inspiration into reality? im bad at initiative. my initiative is going to be when i pick up the pot again because im too lethargic and procrastinatey to create the things i want any other time. but when will that be? i cant see a therapist or anything rn and working it out on my own has been mildly successful, not bad, im not spending every single day in terror like i was at this point last year. it started all going away around august after starting in march. march 30th in fact. from then on its been a constant battle with dissociation. funny because just earlier in march was some of the best experiences of my life. i think if lockdown never happened this never would have happened either but at the same time im left wondering how anybody can go through their life without wondering about the meaning of it all and coming out the other side with purpose and resolve. mine was to enjoy myself and find as much beauty and love in life as i can before i die and enhance the lives of the people around me while i can because i feel too small to do anything on a grander scale. and im fine with that, for the most part, but i still get attacked by these waves of thought where i wonder what the purpose of reality is . i always have to smack myself and remind myself no dumbass you already went over this a million times, just enjoy yousrelf while youre here. but when im high its a million times worse cuz the only time i can get my mind off it is when im replacing it with horny thoughts and thats not the only thing i wanna do when im high ofc i want to experience and create and listen to music. but i mean i havent smoked since june. i think the 15th ? i could go back and read my journals to tell exactly when it was but yeah its been almost a year now and i feel like i might have it in me again. i used to love getting high and working on shit so much. some of my best works and most  creative projects and honestly just most enjoyable periods of my life were when i was high. going back to what i was saying about early march 2020 being the best time of my life, idk what it was about me but i was just having a grand old time experiencing absolute beauty playing ark with my friends, feeling so creative and developing new ideas and experiences, and using the freedom and motivation i felt ingame to also want to explore the world irl. i seriously was close to actually finally reading my survival manual and start camping and shit and i wanted to visit my relatives in their hella secluded farmhouse in the middle of fuck nowhere kansas, cuz i did visit there during that time period and i loved it to death, i felt so free. two different relatives actually and they both had that same aesthetic about them. of course they were horribly racist but i mean, thats rural kansas for you. i just wanted to camp in their woods. its funny because that month was simultaneously the best and worst of my life. all because of weed! if i never started smoking or rather never found a reliable source at that point in my life i wonder how i wouldve turned out? id like to chalk this up to fate that im like this, maybe its for the best, maybe smoking again wont help me but maybe it will. i have a way to ease myself back into it i just need that leap of faith and  bravery like i felt when i was drinking again. its funny because i used to be such a fucking druggie and i wanted to get high all the time and then after my existential crisis that all just. stopped. i feell ike everyone i know is sick of me talking about it but it really fundamentally changed me on the inside even if it doesnt seem like it much on the outside so i feel its right of me to talk about it sometimes. it makes me feel better at least. like this is jsut a thing t hat happened, not a fated break from the universe i cant come back from yknow? i dunno. ive rambled on way too fucking long and idk if anyones gonna read this. tldr i want to draw and create so many things and i have too many ideas to deal with but i only feel ill be able to unlock my creativity and motivation if im high but due to bad past experiences im terrified to get high again. i mean ive done and made some pretty cool stuff since then but the motivation and ideas are much fewer and far between compared to the absolute deluge i get when im stoned , whether any of my ideas are actually any good or if they were just high ramblings is up to debate but i think it gave me a really good way of looking at things and i made some pretty cool stuff and i miss it a lot but i dont know if going back to it is going to be a mistake or not and im not brave enough to find out if itll hurt me again or if im ready. yyyyaaaayyyyy hahahaha ✌

[anamelessblade]

🔥

Hi I love u sly. Sorry u get the long rant. and its not going under a read more im tired.

Deep breath– sorry if this pisses anyone off or if you lose all faith in me this has been stewing. 

Write whatever the fuck you want. Yeah, even that really shitty thing everyone is going to scream and yell about and call you all sorts of nasty terrible names for. Yeah, even THAT subject everyone says you should not touch with a ten foot pole.

im being vague on purpose. you know the type of subjects.

‘But Raive what the fuck that subject is awful and condoning shit and romanticizing–’

Let me be clear: Just because I’m saying this, does not at all mean I condone everything that is written. It does not mean I think everything should be written and put out there for public consumption. Maybe it shouldn’t be. Maybe it should be somewhere private or maybe it shouldn’t be. Honestly I’m not sure. All I know is that there are so many people here saying this is a SAFE PLACE and that it should be that for everyone--but this is the internet. It was never safe (i remember my parents telling me to never give my name out, be careful who you talk to be aware. dont give out your age. don’t do this. a lot of you need to realize that too because everyone is always asking for information and i don’t need to verify who i am IRL with you because that’s fucking scary in and of itself). You have to make your safe space by using the tools provided to you to keep the content you don’t want in your face out of it. If you see something you don’t like and it bothers you, that means you found something that bothers you. I’m sorry, I am honestly 100% sorry you have to confront something that you do not like and which may or may not trigger you in some way because of some other circumstance that occurred. Unfortunately, what other people do and write and how they act is entirely out of your control. You cannot make anyone do anything they do not want to--and that includes people who are actively out to hurt others. 

With that said.

 If two consenting adults decide to write something and they tag it and they put all the content warnings in the world and you still go to their blog and come out and tell them they are wrong and immoral and a horrible, horrible person, that’s on you. There is shit I won’t write and dont agree with and things I wouldnt tell anyone to write, but art and writing is not meant to be comfortable, it pushes boundaries, even the boundaries you think should not be crossed. And if it crosses your own boundaries, then you do what you have to make yourself feel comfortable

(please note I am talking about purely fictional things and events not when people come out rping ACTUAL N*ZIS)

'But Raive… what if its hurting people? What if someone uses that writing for something actually irl bad?’

I hate to say this, I really do, but if someone is going to hurt someone and has already decided go out of their way to do it, they are going to do it whether or not someone’s horrifying all-taboo, all squick rp/fic is out there. 

Dont get me wrong. Like I said, there are a lot of things that I think probably shouldn’t be written. But I’m not going to condemn anyone for it so long as they themselves outside of the fiction are a decent person. Contrary to what everyone rages about and shouts– there is a difference and a line between fiction and reality. No it’s not that cut and dry. Some things do affect people and change opinions, but it’s not such a simple thing as 'I wrote this fic and now everyone is going to think its okay’. The things that actually blur the line of fiction and reality (such as rac.ism and h.omophobia and things of that nature) it’s probably already in the hearts and minds of the people watching or reading that media and they will use it as an example of feelings that were already there, because it reflects them. I don’t think any well-meaning person would watch or read a scene with a murder and come out thinking that murder is alright. There is a line when it comes to specific subjects compared to others, and i think that encompasses most of the problematic writing and work that everyone so ardently opposes. Because, most of the people writing these subjects are not condoning it themselves, they’re just writing it as fiction. 

Again, I don’t know if that’s right or wrong, that’s not what I’m about to make a judgment call on. I’m just saying this black and white ideology of policing CONSENTING ADULTS who are NOT OUT TO HURT ANYONE needs to stop. They tag and put all the warnings and say out right in their rule that they write certain subjects you are not comfortable with and you still decide to follow or to interact or whatever-- dude that. is. on. you. and you need to realize that.

I know anecdotal evidence is not like the most scientific way to go about this kind of thing, but i’m at work/taking a break and can’t look up any articles on pyschology or whatever to ‘prove’ my point. Those of you who don’t agree won’t read or want to read it anyway. 

I spent around...almost i’d say ten years on this one forum. Back in its heyday when it was popular there were a lot of us writing shit that...should not have been written. Things I would not write now, but was okay with back then because I was young and not necessarily aware. My idea was it’s fiction. There’s nothing wrong with it inherently. and that’s how most of us were. Nobody came out of the woodworks to say this was AWFUL AND YOU ARE EVIL AND TERRIBLE FOR WRITING THIS because we all spoke to each other ooc and we didn’t conflate in character with out of character. Any time something bad happened ooc it was dealt with, the person removed and that was that. Because no one was hurting anyone IC, it was the ooc that mattered.

 IC drama was IC drama no matter how crazy and shitty it got (and there was a lot of IC drama that everyone watched and commented on and honestly it was insane)... but and this sounds odd perhaps, but writing and reading those things gave me a perspective I wouldn’t have had otherwise. I researched, I looked into things, I wanted to portray things right--and it gave me a really wide view and understanding of what people in certain situations go through. I’m not saying go write these awful things so you can understand the horrors of it. I’m just saying it taught me to empathize better and actively try to understand what other people go through, I guess. 

Anyway. this got long and a little rambly and I wish I could get my point across half as well as I formulated it in my head but...

TL;DR: write what you want, no matter what it is. Tag all the warnings. Put all the content warnings that you can so that those who dont want to see that shit can block it. and those of you who want to attack people who do all of the above, please don’t. Just block and blacklist and do all the things necessary for yourself. And be aware that the world and the internet is a scary place that does not cater to you. 

[yuichiroswife]

Happy Valentine’s Day~!

//I wanna say a big happy Valentine’s Day to everyone who follows my blog~! It really means a lot to me that so many of you have stuck by me through both good times and bad times. So many of you have supported me from the very start, while others are just beginning to join. Honestly, this is the first time I’ve ever had so many friends in my life and I can’t tell you just how happy it makes me. I’m in tears as we speak. So I just thought it would be nice to wish everyone a lovely holiday. I’m also gonna tag a few of my partners/friends/family that I wanna specifically wish a happy Valentine’s day. So without further ado, let’s get to it:

@forgottenlunarchild - Anne, there is so much that I have to say about you but I’m afraid that if I do... I won’t have any room for anyone else. Haha~! No, but seriously, we’ve only been friends for a few months now but it absolutely feels like forever. You understand me better than anyone has ever even attempted to in my life and I can’t thank you enough for that. I cherish you so much that it’s not even funny. I just feel that we have a really special bond together and if I didn’t have you, I don’t know what I’d do. I love you so so much and happy Valentine’s Day~!

@xkilluas - Dia, me and you go way back a whole three years. Having you as my Mika’s twin was so much fun and having you as a friend is even better. I remember when we found out that our birthdays were only six days apart so we had a whole birthday week on Tumblr. I really love how close we got in such a short time of meeting because you are one of the people that I really hold close to my heart no matter what. We’ve both been through a lot together and I want you to know that I’ll always be beside you whenever you need someone. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@monophagia - Veeerrrroooo~! Let me just say how much I look up to you. You have been my idol for the longest time ever. I think you’re just an absolutely amazing person and a beautiful artist. I don’t care what anyone says, you are one of the best people I have ever met and I won’t stand for others being so rude to you, even if I can’t do much. You are always valid in my eyes and if you ever want someone to talk to, I’m always here for you. *hugs tightly* Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@theothany - It’s Kira-Senpai~! You were like... one of my very first follows and the very first Guren that I interacted with on Tumblr. You were the literal shit (the good kind) in my eyes when I first joined Tumblr. I always thought your writing skills were so amazing and that you fit Guren’s character so well. It was a shame to see you leave Tumblr for so long but to have you come back again is just amazing. I’ve really missed you and I’m glad we can talk some more again. ^^ Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@ichinose-yuki - Han, at first I didn’t know what to make of your OC since Guren never had an actual sibling in the Light Novel or Manga, but I’m really glad that I gave you a chance because it blossomed into a beautiful friendship. Me and you have known each other for a whole year now and it’s been nothing but funny mischief. I really enjoy how much we talk about our OCs to each other and how we help each other with IRL issues as well. You are like my sister from another mister. I really hope we can see each other someday soon. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@maniacal-namanari - Alis, you’re such a sweet little cutie. I love both you and your muse so much, like... I cannot express it in words. I know that things in your life as of late have been really hard, but I hope that things get better and know that I’m here for you if you ever need someone. You’re such a nice person and deserve the best, keep doing a great job at turning your life around. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@elyon-kurae - Lily, my sweet little angsty friend, you are a beautiful artist and an amazing friend. Don’t let others, especially your family, put you down for anything ever. Your feelings matter and know you always have a special place here on my blog. Both you and Elyon have a place in me and Mika’s heart. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@laserkittenlucy - Kitty~! It’s one of my besties~! I love how our friendship started over being tired and rambling about cheese. I actually still have that cheese poem you wrote, haha! Anyway, you are one of the sweetest people I have ever met and I wanna say thank you for staying by my side through so much stuff. You really are a true friend and I hope you know how much I love you. Happy Valentine’s Day and tell your girlfriend I say the same to her please~!

@theliquoricelord - It’s Bay-Bay~! I hope that you’re doing well today and I also want to apologize for not responding to our chat yet, I get distracted by literally everything and forget stuff. I wanted to throw you in on this list since you’re really fun to talk to and I really enjoy listening to the things that you like. I hope we can continue our conversation soon. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@thepurrfectchat - Wolf-kun~! Hello from the other siiiide~! *shot* Let me just say that I cannot express in words how much you mean to me. I am so happy that we became friends two years ago, like... you don’t even know. I found it so adorable how you were scared to talk to me, even though I’m trash, and it made me so happy to know you wanted to interact with me. You are my favorite Chat Noir roleplayer to be honest with you. You do such an amazing job and your writing is just so beautiful. Thank you so much for being my friend. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@sinceritxte - Vexxie~! Fam~! My bestie~! You are one giant meme and I love you. Talking to you so much on Facebook is so much fun and I cannot express just how much I love you. I love how our friendship started over you screaming about Mikayuu and Shunaru in my IM box, which caused me to start screaming back about Gureshin as well. Me and you just clicked so well and like... I’m so grateful for it. You have stuck by my side through a lot and that means a lot to me, especially since I know how bad your situation is at home. You’re a true fighter and I look up to you in that sense. Not to mention that your artwork is beautiful. I hope that life gets better for you really soon. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@ultimateuob - Sammi~! I love talking to you so much, especially about Danganronpa and all of your ideas for Rantaro or fan fictions. Honestly the day you followed me, I legit screamed for like an hour. You’re such a sweet person who doesn’t get enough credit for what you do. You don’t deserve to be treated as badly as you do and if it were up to me, I would smother you in love and plushies. I hope you realize how much you mean to me. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@dusk-hero - I miss you so much, Li! I really hope that you’re doing well and that life is going right for you because you’re honestly such an amazing and caring person. I remember when we first met and how nice you were to me. You were actually the very first Kureto to ever interact with me and that made me so happy. I was a bit scared at first but after some time, I absolutely fell in love with you and the way you mused for Kureto. Everything about you just made me so happy and I always felt calm around you. I really hope that you see this and I hope that you have a nice day/ Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@lieutenant-ichinose - Eteif, you’re such an annoying little monster I swear- I’m just kidding~! You are my adorable little IRL sister and I love you so much. I don’t think that I’ve tell you that enough. You’re always so busy with school and volleyball that I barely ever get to see you anymore, but that’s okay because you’re doing something with your life and you’re gonna make something of yourself. I’m so proud of how smart you’ve become and I’m so proud of you for coming in second place of all two hundred freshmen in the entire school for the ranking of Valedictorian. You’re already way beyond me. Keep working hard so you can get out of this hell hole that we call home, don’t be like your failure sister and make everyone proud! Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@stestylius - Stephie~! Ah Stephie, sweet little Stephie. I remember the first time we ever interacted. It was on your Yuu blog, back when I thought you were a boy to be honest. I’m sorry, haha! It was very interesting the way you played Yuu and eventually I ended up meeting Nakia and Kagero. I will admit that I wasn’t fond of Nakia at first but then she really grew on me. I especially love our Pirate!AU the most, we have to continue that at some point! Don’t even get me started on all of the lovely artwork you made for the both of us during our roleplay adventures. That massive monster Mika attacking the pirate ship was awesome! I was screaming about it for weeks. You’re one of my dear friends that I hold close to my heart and I don’t know what I’d do without you honestly. I hope that life is being kind to you and I wish you a happy Valentine’s Day~!

@joker-yogi - Vess, I honestly never thought that we’d be as close as we are now. Back then I used to avoid many people because I was afraid to interact with so many different people. You were actually one of those people. I didn’t know how to approach you so I just kinda stayed away and watched from afar. Though after some bad events I had with my ex-girlfriend, you were one of the main people to come and check on me to see if I was alright, which really surprised me. From then forward, you became like... one of my best friends and I can’t thank you enough for it. Having all those Skype calls with you were so much fun and I can’t wait to do it again soon. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@snipec - Rinny, baby~! I love you so much~! I remember when you first messaged me on your Shinya about being friends since I followed your art blog. I was literally so surprised that you asked me that to be honest, mainly because out of so many people, you asked me. I know it probably doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it is for me since I never had many friends. I loved every single chat we had, especially when we were both fangirling over Shinya and Mika. Your artwork is just so beautiful and I cherish every bit of it, even if it’s just scribbles. Haha. You are such a sweet little angel and I can’t thank you enough for everything. You always make me so happy. I wish you a happy Valentine’s Day~!

@resoluteseraph - Hiiii, Yuuichirou-Mun~! I’m sorry that I can’t actually call you by your name or a nickname since I never had the chance to learn your name. ;; I hope you can forgive me for that. Well... I suppose I could call you Eureka since that’s part of your name on Discord but that’s entirely up to you. Anyway, I really hope that you’re having a lovely day today and hope that you are able to spend today with someone you love and cherish. I really enjoyed the few times we talked and I love seeing you on my dashboard. I hope that we can talk more in the future, happy Valentine’s Day~!

@yuu--chan - Mika~! I miss you a whole lot and really hope that your life is going a whole lot better than it has been. I saw all of the stuff that happened on your Instagram and let me just say, you didn’t deserve all of that. You are a very sweet and loving person in my eyes. You are an absolute angel and I love you. You were one of my very first Tumblr friends and I consider you one of my best friends. We always had so much fun talking until like... five in the morning. I really hope we can do this again soon. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@tatsu-rose-bathory - It’s Georgie, my little Tumblr sister~! Okay, you were my second follower on Tumblr and can I just say how much it means to me that you’ve stuck around? I used to be so scared of you and your blog because of how many really popular people you used to interact with. I was terrified that they would see me try to be your friend and laugh at how mediocre I was, but after talking to you and roleplaying those first few times, I absolutely fell in love with both you and Tatsu. I love the dynamic we have for our muses as well. It’s just so nice. I really hope you’re having a nice day and happy Valentine’s Day~!

@korosukoto - Ceru, you little bugger! Having you back in the roleplay community is so awesome! Granted that you’re in a completely different fandom now, but that doesn’t really matter to me. You make an amazing Koro-Sensei and you had me completely fooled when you first started messaging me. I thought you were someone else, haha! It means so much to me that you took into consideration about me missing how we used to roleplay together. I’m really happy to have you back. It amazes me how perfect you are for Koro-Sensei, it seriously feels like I’m talking to him! Not to mention you make a really good Kureto with my Mika and an amazing Kouen for my Ja’far. I also have to thank you for always being there for me through LITERALLY everything for about... four or five years now. I love you so much and hope you have an amazing Valentine’s Day.

@saigo-no-utahime - Hina~! I was really surprised by how alike me and you were from the very start. To be honest, I never expected us becoming friends or anything like that. I mean, our blogs were so different... yet we somehow ended up talking to each other and now we’re besties. You are a very sweet young woman who a lot of people misunderstand and it really makes me angry how rude people are to you. Know that you’re always welcome here on my blog or in my IMs. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@seventeenthprogenitor-chess - Shimmer, my sweet twiny. I don’t know where I would be without you honestly. You have been the person that has guided me through so much for our entire life together. I know that I would have been utterly lost without you. You were always the one who would pick me up when I fell both mentally and emotionally. You never left me by myself, even when you were dealing with your own problems. You are legit my saving grace, the light at the end of a dark tunnel. You’re a blessing. Never in a million years will I ever forget everything that you have done for me. I hope that you’re having fun in college. I miss you and happy Valentine’s Day~!

@seventeenthprogenitor-horn - It’s my sensei, Nadeshiko~! You have taught me so much about helping others and how to learn from my mistakes. You have such a big heart and I can’t believe just how loving you are, especially after knowing what you’ve had to live through and witness while growing up. I know that both of your parents and your older brother would be proud of you. You took something extremely depressing/negative and turned it into something positive that you can build yourself off of. You have become my role model and that’s why I call you my sensei. I remember when we met as small children and you couldn’t understand a word I was saying because you only spoke Japanese. Teaching you English was so much fun and you’re gotten really good at it. Thank you for always sticking by my side, even after you went back to Japan. It means the world to me. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@nobleelegance - Semmi~! It’s so sorry that you’re stuck with that nickname now because of me. Anyway, I wanted to tell you just how thankful I am for you teaching me a lot of the things I know now. If it weren’t for you, I’d probably be dumber than I am, haha. Really though, it means a lot that you would take time out of your day to help me so often, especially since you’re so busy with school. You’re like a little brother to me and watching you grown into a fin young man has really been an eye opener for me. It feels like just yesterday that you were a little kid that didn’t know what he was supposed to be doing and now look at you, got the intelligence of someone who’s in their fourth year of college.I know that your mother would be proud of you, because I know I am. Happy Valentine’s Day, sweetheart~!

@thirteenthprogenitor-crowley - It’s my partner in crime~! Rei, I absolutely love having you around. You always make me laugh so much and we always get into some kind of trouble. I’m really glad that we met and you’re like an older sister to me, one that understands the struggles of not being considered the “successful older sibling” because you’re out done by the younger one. Let me tell you something though, that’s perfectly okay. You don’t have to be the absolute best, you don’t have to be the smartest or the strongest. You’re perfect how you are. That was something some really close friends taught me and something you always tell me. Know that the people who matter, are you, your close friends, and the family that cares about you. I will always be on your side. Happy Valentine’s Day, Rei~!

@theforgottenprincetepes - Candy~! I really love hearing you sing for me on special holidays. I also want to say how proud I am of you for being so amazing with you writing style. You’ve come such a long way from how you used to write. Please make sure to always do your best, okay? I hope you have a nice Valentine’s Day~!

@fallenelegance - Teddy the teddy bear~! I hope everything with your situation at work has sorted itself out and I hope that you’re having a really nice day. It’s been a while since I’ve last seen you but that doesn’t really matter because you’re still on of my besties. We totally need to hang out and play Void again at some point. Anyway, please keep being absolutely hilarious and thank you so much for being a real friend to me. I love you and happy Valentine’s Day~!

@thunderdemon-raimeiki - Mag, hello you beautiful girly. I am so proud of how much you’ve grown into a beautiful young woman. You have struggle for so long and have been through so much. You are really strong and I know that you’re gonna make it in life. Please remember that we’re all here for you no matter what happens. I love you and happy Valentine’s Day~!

@aoiozora - Hey Aoi~! It’s been a while since I’ve spoken to you and I really hope that you’re doing alright. You were really fun to talk to the few times we talked via asks and we both enjoyed a lot of the same things, such as Owari no Seraph and Mystic Messenger. I’ve been looking at your blog pretty often as of late so I apologize for any possible spam I gave you. Anyway, happy Valentine’s Day~!

@travis-thedemonvalkrum-x - Damien, you are one crazy motherfucker and I love you for it. You’re another person that I never imagined making friends with, but I don’t regret it in the slightest. Both you and Vess are two of my best friends who I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. You’re like a little brother to me, honestly. I always look forward to talking to you. I really hope that today is treating you right. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@lestkarrkingofeurope - Tsunami, the salty wave of purification salt~! How are you doing? ^^ I really hope that you’re having a good time today and hope that the rest of your year goes well. I wanted to thank you for all the times you stood up for me with a lot of the really nasty and rude anonys. You’re a very kind and fun person to talk to and watch from the dashboard, I always look forward to your content. I wish you a happy Valentine’s Day~!

@human-s - I keep wanting to call you the nickname I have for my dog because you share the same name. Lola, you are just a sweet little muffin who needs to be appreciated and loved. You play a lovely Shusaku and I enjoy seeing you appear on my dashboard. We haven’t talked too much as of late which kinda sucks but sometimes that can’t be helped, you know? Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that you should never let anyone stop you from doing what you enjoy. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@childoflegend - Kyra, the smol angsty bean. I hope that you have a very nice day that isn’t filled with stress or anything like that. You deserve to be appreciated and loved no matter what anyone else says. I’ll fight them all for you. I’m always here if you ever need to talk and I want to say just how much I adore your edits and drabbles, along with your artwork. Never get discouraged when wanting to pursue something you love. Happy Valentine’s Day sweety~!

[thiirdboy]

ROLEPLAYING PROFILE MEME

Tagged by: @tsukiran​!! Tagging: If we’re mutuals and haven’t RPed consider yourself TAGGED!! Let’s write!

PLEASE REPOST, DO NOT REBLOG!  Feel free to add to any of your answers!  The purpose is to tell your partners about the way you write!  For the multiple choice ones, BOLD all that apply and, if you want, italicize if it’s a conditional answer!

– B A S I C S – NAME :  Negau / Neg ARE YOU OVER 18?   Yes / No IS YOUR MUSE?   Yes / No

ARE YOU SELECTIVE ABOUT WHO YOU WRITE WITH ON THIS BLOG? No (anyone) / Semi / Yes / Highly / Private

ARE YOU SELECTIVE ABOUT WHO YOU FOLLOW ON THIS BLOG? No (anyone) / Semi / Yes / Highly

IF YOUR MUSE IS CANON, HOW MUCH TO YOU ADHERE TO CANON? Not at all / A little / Some / Mostly / Strictly / OC / Divergent

WHAT POST LENGTHS DO YOU WRITE? One liners / Single para / Multi-para / Novella

DO YOU USE ICONS AND/OR GIFS? No / Gifs / Icons / Gifcons

DO YOU WRITE ON OTHER PLATFORMS? No / Yes → If we’ve talked a bit through tumblr IMs or tags on threads and whatnot feel free to ask for my discord! I also have ic twitter and kik for Shinji, but those are moreso just for ic ramblings than actual paragraph rp

WHAT LEVEL OF PLOTS DO YOU WRITE? Unplotted / Open ended plots / Semi-plotted / Fully Plotted Epics

HOW QUICKLY DO YOU USUALLY RESPOND TO THREADS? Very slow (more than a month) / Slow (3-4 weeks) / Average (1-2 weeks) / Fast (Less Than One Week) / Very Fast (Less Than Three Days)

WHAT TYPES OF THEMES DO YOU LIKE? (feel free to add!) Fluff / Angst / Smut / Action / Tragedy / Domestic / Family / Conversational / Hurt-comfort

WHAT GENRES DO YOU LIKE? (feel free to add!) High Fantasy / Supernatural / Science Fiction / Historical / Horror / Comedy / Romantic / Drama / Action / Adventure / Espionage / Everything → The ones that aren’t bold aren’t favorites of mine but it doesn’t mean I won’t write them!

ARE THERE ANY THEMES YOU’RE UNCOMFORTABLE WRITING ON YOUR BLOG? (not triggers) No / Yes → Honestly I can’t think of any glaring no-nos off the top of my head? The only big ones are the obvious “no smut because he’s 14.” I guess other than that don’t go into crazy detail with potential gore and we’re good

DO YOU HAVE ANY TRIGGERS?  HOW DO YOU REQUEST IT TAGGED? No / Yes → They’re not triggers BUT please tag irl pictures of spiders and sexual content. I fucking hate spiders and I’m usually in a room with family and don’t want them to wreck me.

– S H I P P I N G – WHAT TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS ARE YOU OPEN TO? Romantic / Platonic / Familial / Physical / Sexual / Enemies

WHAT TYPES OF PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS ARE YOU OPEN TO? Romantic / Platonic / Familial / Physical / Sexual / Former. → Honestly please just discuss pre-established things with me so we’re on the same page, especially romantic. I’ll do pre-established stuff but I love to write buildup for ships

DO YOU HAVE OTPS? No / Chemistry only / Yes → Kawoshin but I have an exclusive Kaworu

DO YOU HAVE NOTPS? No / Yes → Asushin. Reishin. Sorry I love them platonically but asushin would be so toxic and Rei is like basically Shinji’s sister so

WHAT IS YOUR MUSE’S SEXUAL ORIENTATION? Heterosexual / Heteroflexible / Bisexual / Homoflexible / Homosexual / Pansexual / Demisexual / Asexual / Attracted to masculinity / Attracted to femininity /  Attracted to androgyny

WHAT IS YOUR MUSE’S ROMANTIC ORIENTATION? Heteromantic / Heteroflexible / Biromantic / Homoflexible / Homoromantic / Panromantic / Demiromantic / Aromantic / Polyamorous

ARE YOU COMFORTABLE WRITING SMUT? No / Selectively / Yes

HOW EARLY IN A RELATIONSHIP DO YOU SHIP ROMANTICALLY? Autoship / During Plotting / After A Couple IC Interactions / Several IC Interactions / Slow burn

ARE YOU OPEN TO TOXIC SHIPS? No / Selectively / Yes

ARE YOU OPEN TO PROBLEMATIC SHIPS? (canon history, age difference, complicated, etc.) No / Selectively / Yes / Depends on muse → No to age difference. The rest I’m not really sure what it entails, and I mean shit happens in relationships, but it’s hard for me to make a blanket statement with this. I would really have to address this on a case by case basis. I don’t think Shinji would purposely try to instigate anything / cheat / etc.

ARE YOU OPEN TO POLYSHIPPING? No / Selectively / Yes → Not because of any ooc judgement, I just don’t think Shinji would be open to it!

ARE YOU AN EXCLUSIVE SHIPPER? No / Sometimes / Yes → By this I mean that I don’t want to juggle 3872896587635 ships on this blog, so my main ship is with Kaworu and I have a couple of AU ships. Right now I’m not looking to ship with anyone else, sorry!

DOES CRACK SHIPPING EVER HAPPEN? No / Sometimes / Yes

DOES CROSSOVER SHIPPING EVER HAPPEN? No / Yes / Depends  

[lestkarrkingofeurope]

(BELATED) MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE!

NOW THAT’S OUT OF THE WAY, LET’S FINALLY GET STARTED TO:

LESTKARRKINGOFEUROPE’S NEW YEARS FOLLOW FOREVER!!!

I ACTUALLY DREW THIS LAST NIGHT JUST BEFORE MIDNIGHT WHEN IT HIT 2017 SO WHATEVER AND I’M POSTING IT NOW SO IT’LL BE ON TOP AFTER I POST THE NEW CHAPTERS SO EVERYONE CAN SEE IT YEAH YEAH YEAH LET’S GOOOOO WITH THIS LONG LIST I HAVE PREPARED

@krullish​ - || OH MAN MANDY OKAY I KNOW I WROTE A LONG PARAGRAPH ABOUT YOU IN MY PREVIOUS TAG FOR THE MILESTONE BUT MAN I CAN’T HELP IT TAGGING YOU AGAIN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH???? I’M GRATEFUL THAT YOU’RE MY FRIEND AND YOU’VE STUCK WITH ME NEARLY A YEAR (OR HAS IT ALREADY BEEN A YEAR??? WHO KNOWS) BUT MAN WE’VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH TOGETHER, LIKE ACTUALLY MEETING UP FACE TO FACE AT ANIME EXPO 2015 THEN HANGING OUT AT ANIME CALIFORNIA THEN JUST DJSGHSKLJGHDF A LOT OF STUFF HAPPENING AND GOING ON!! I’M HONESTLY SO GRATEFUL AND REALLY THANKFUL YOU’RE HERE AS MY FRIEND AND STILL GOING ON AHAHAHAHA I LOVE YOUR MUSES AND JUST YOU IN GENERAL HOW GREAT OF A PERSON YOU ARE! THERE’S SO MUCH MORE I WANTED TO SAY TO YOU BUT AS I WAS TYPING THINGS SLIP MY MIND BC EVERYTHING IS IN A JUMBLE AND I’M JUST TRYING TO TYPE DOWN AS FAST AS I COULD ALL THE THOUGHTS AND THINGS I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT YOU BUT I CAN NEVER TYPE FAST ENOUGH TO SAY IT I’M SORRY DDDD: BUT OTHER THAN THAT BELATED MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEARS MANDY! <33333

@thedarkmattergod​ - || YOU FRIGGIN SINNER-- OKAY NOT SINNER BUT MAN I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY ABOUT YOU??? WE HAVE JUST BARELY INTERACTED BUT MAN YOU’RE SUCH A GREAT PERSON IN MY LIFE???? I LOVE HOW YOU JUST APPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE IN THE IM JUST TO TALK AND WE JUST GO OFF ABOUT THE MOST RANDOM THINGS THEN COMPARING KAKINE AND LEST THEN TALKING ABOUT THE ANIME INDEX AND JUST SO MUCH STUFF WHY DO WE DO THIS LOLOLOL AND MOST OF THE TIME WE’RE JUST SHOUTING “FIGHT ME” THEN DOING JACK SHIT TO EACH OTHER LOLOLOL BUT WOW YOU’RE A GREAT PERSON HONESTLY PLEASE NEVER DISAPPEAR AND YOU DESERVE MORE LOVE FOR YOUR BLOG AND MUSE BC HONESTLY YOUR PORTRAYAL OF KAKINE IS GREAT /SLAPS SELF

@lordgeales​ - || I KEEP TAGGING YOU BUT I CAN’T HELP IT BC HONESTLY HOLY SHIT YOU’RE AMAZING-- I KNOW I ALREADY SAID THIS WHEN I LAST TAGGED YOU IN THE MILESTONE POST BUT MAN I’M SO HAPPY THAT WE DRAW TOGETHER JUST FOR AUS BETWEEN LEST AND URD IN THE YOI WORLD AHAHAHAHA I MISS DOING THAT I NEED TO GET BACK INTO THE SWING OF THINGS-- AND NOT ONLY THAT BUT HONEST TO GOD ALPHA YOUR URD IS SO PERFECT LIKE WHAT THE HECK AND WHENEVER HE MENTIONS SOMETHING ABOUT LEST I JUST POP IN OUT OF NOWHERE LIKE “I HAVE BEEN SUMMONED” LOLOLOLOL SORRY THAT I SEEM TO RAMBLE ON TOO MUCH OR BE AWAY FROM MY BLOG FOR A LONG WHILE WHEN YOU DO STUFF THAT INCLUDES MY LEST JDHSFKGJDLJFDSHGLKDFJ I’M JUST A REALLY AWFUL PERSON WHO’S TOO INVESTED INTO GAMING SO I HOPE THAT YOU FORGIVE ME DDDDD: I LOVE YOU DON’T LEAVE-- /CLINGS TO TIGHTLY

@brassboundvalkyrie​ - || BEST MUM HERE ALWAYS SUPPORTING AND PROTECTING BOTH ME AND LEST AHHAHAHAHA HONESTLY THO I KNOW I ALREADY SAW THIS LAST TIME BUT HORN RLLY IS A GREAT MOTHER FIGURE TBH ;;;;; IF WE WENT AU AND IGNORED CANON, I WOULD DEF CHOOSE HORN TO BE LEST’S MOTHER FIGURE IF NOT BLOOD-TIED JFGHSDKFGHDLFD YOU’RE SUCH A SWEET PERSON AND KIND MUN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS POPPING IN RANDOMLY INTO MY IM TO SEND NICE MESSAGES AND JUST TO FRIENDLY CHAT EVERY NOW AND THEN I REALLY APPRECIATE IT!!! WE FIRST STARTED OFF AS BARELY KNOWING EACH OTHER AND TALKING BUT NOW HERE WE ARE WITH SUCH A WARM RELATIONSHIP???? THANK YOU FOR BEING MY FRIEND AND GIVING ME A CHANCE TO DO SO DDDD: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH STAY AWESOME!

@impaler-prince​ - || MAN OKAY YEAH WE HAVEN’T TALKED OR INTERACTED IN A LONG TIME (partially my fault OTL) BUT LIKE OH BOIIIIII I MISS US INTERACTING LIKE YOU’RE SUCH A COOL PERSON AND I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU EVEN GAVE ME A CHANCE TO INTERACT WITH YOU??? LIKE HONESTLY I LOVE ROLEPLAYING WITH YOU, AND YOUR ART (STYLE) IS ONE EXAMPLE OF WHAT I ASPIRE TO BE HONESTLY, WITH HOW CONFIDENT YOUR LINING AND COLOURING SEEMS TO BE??? MINE IS LIKE STILL HESITANT AND CAUTIOUS BUT WELL I’M GETTING THERE SO DON’T WORRY! BUT ALL IN ALL I’M JUST GLAD YOU’RE HERE AND I’M SORRY TO ALWAYS BE THE ONE TAGGING YOU IN RANDOM STUFF HAHAHA BUT SERIOUSLY I JUST REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT YOU TO KNOW I APPRECIATE THE HELL OUT OF YOU AND DON’T WANT YOU TO THINK OTHERWISE, OKAY??? STAY GOLD FRIENDO!

@seventh-progenitor-ferid-bathory​ - || ASH YA SINNER HERE I AM AGAIN TAGGING YOU AGAIN EVEN IF WE HAVEN’T TALKED IN AWHILE BC IM BAD AT KEEPING CONTACT -LAYS DOWN AT YOUR FEET- PLEASE FORGIVE FOR THAT I SWEAR I LOVE YOU OKAY IM JUST TOO INVESTED INTO GAMING IT’S A BAD HABIT PLEASE SUE ME DDDDDD: BUT I STILL ENJOY WHERE EVEN IF WE HAVEN’T TALKED IN A WHILE, EITHER YOU OR ME CAN JUST SEND EACH OTHER A RANDOM MESSAGE ABOUT FERID OR LEST OR ONS IN GENERAL THEN SUDDENLY BAM WE’RE OFF TALKING AND SCREAMING AND SAYING/COMMENTING THE MOST RANDOM OF THINGS THAT I HAVE TO SHARE HERE ON TUMBLR BC IT’S SO AMUSING??? I’M REALLY GLAD YOU’RE HERE AND BEING MY FRIEND :DDDDD 

@fortisgladio​ - || *QUOTES MANDY* “LIME GREEN PEPE” OKAY SORRY I WON’T DO THAT AGAIN BUT YOU REALLY ARE A MEME LOLOLOL SORRY ABOUT NOT TALKING MUCH SINCE I’VE BEEN AWAY FROM TUMBLR FOR SO LONG AND EVEN THEN I RARELY EVER REPLY TO ANYONE’S MESSAGES, WHETHER HERE ON TUMBLR OR FB, I JUST NEVER SEEM TO REPLY BC I’M TOO INVESTED INTO GAMING I’M AN AWFUL PERSON DDDDD: I KNOW I ALREADY SAID SO MUCH ABOUT YOU IN MY MILESTONE POST, BUT HONESTLY I CAN NEVER SEEM TO FULLY EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOU??? YOU’RE ONE INSANE WRITER AND ROLEPLAYER, AND MUN HERSELF IS JUST....A BRILLIANT PERSON??? EVERYONE DESERVES TO KNOW YOU AND BASK IN YOUR GLORY BC YOU’RE TRULY ONE HELL OF A GREAT FRIEND AND PERSON???? DON’T LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE AND YOU’RE FOREVER ONE OF THE COOLEST PEOPLE I’LL EVER HAVE AS A FRIEND <33333 

@forgottenprogenitor​ - || OH MY GOD YOU-- SERIOUSLY I’M SO SORRY FOR NOT REPLYING BACK TO YOUR MESSAGES AND WHEN YOU’VE TAGGED ME IN SOMETHING BC USUALLY WHEN YOU DO, I SEE IT ON MOBILE AND I HATE TEXTING/TALKING ON MOBILE OR JUST TYPING IN GENERAL, AND MOST OF THE TIME WHEN IM ON PC I’M JUST PLAYING GAMES SO BASICALLY---WHAT I WANNA SAY IS I’M A LAZY PERSON AND AWFUL WHEN IT COMES TO SHOW APPRECIATION FOR THE AMAZING THINGS AND WORKS FRIENDS DO DDDDD: SO I WANT TO TAKE THIS AS A CHANCE TO EXPRESS TO YOU AND THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAVE DONE, THINGS YOU’VE INCLUDED ME AND LEST IN, AND JUST BASICALLY BEING HERE IN THE FANDOM AND BEING WHO YOU ARE! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING MY FRIEND AND INTERACTING WITH ME, I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH <3333

@divincndo​ - || OH MY GOD YOU-- YOUUUUU--- YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW BIG OF A HEART ATTACK YOU GAVE ME WHEN I WENT TO CHAT WITH YOU ON IM OR TO CHECK YOUR BLOG IN GENERAL TO SEE THAT YOU DEACTIVATED???? I PANICKED LIKE OH GOD WHERE DID YOU GO DID YOU POST ABOUT A NEW BLOG TO FOLLOW OR DID I MISS IT?? BC THEN I FELT SO BAD AND I WAS UNSURE OF WHO WAS A MUTUAL WITH ME OR FOLLOWED ME AND KNEW ABOUT YOU AND I WAS LIKE “OH GOD WHERE DID THEY GO” AND WENT TO MAKE A POST ABOUT IT ASKING FOR YOU BUT NO ONE EVER REPLIED--UNTIL YOU MESSAGED ME YOURSELF ON YOUR NEW BLOG THEN SOMEONE COMMENTED ON MY POST YOUR NEW BLOG URL FDJGHDSKLFJG LIKE OKAY I’M GLAD I FOUND YOU AGAIN BUT OH MY GOD LITERAL HEART ATTACK ;; YOU SCARED ME I THOUGHT I LOST YOU FOREVER AND NO ONE WOULD EVER TELL ME WHERE YOU WENT AND I’D FEEL SO BAD BC THEN I FELT LIKE A LOST A GOOD FRIEND DDDD: PLEASE NEVER SCARE ME LIKE THAT AGAIN I LOVE YOUR MUSE AND BLOG, AND JUST MUN IN GENERAL <33333 I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT OKAY?

@stardustrhapsody​/@fearedexistence​ - || GOD I CAN’T KEEP TRACK OF ALL YOUR BLOGS ANYMORE OR WHICH BLOG YOU’LL SEE THIS ON BUT IF YOU DO SEE THIS THEN HERE GOES-- DEEP BREATH I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I CAN NEVER EXPRESS TO YOU HOW MUCH YOU BEING MY FRIEND REALLY MEANS TO ME I’M SO GLAD WE’VE MET AND ALTHOUGH WE NEVER SEEM TO TALK TO EACH OTHER ANYMORE, WHETHER YOU’RE BUSY WITH IRL STUFF, YOUR BLOG, OR JUST IN GENERAL DON’T KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU SHOULD MESSAGE ME, JUST KNOW THAT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I REALLY REALLY LOVE YOU AND HOPE TO FOREVER KEEP YOU AS A CLOSE FRIEND! YOU ARE THE SWEETEST GUY I’VE EVER MET AND YOU’RE A WONDERFUL PERSON, AND I MISS OUR RABBIT HANGOUTS AND ETC. WHERE WE WATCH STUFF TOGETHER, BUT YOU’RE A GREAT PERSON AND I’M ALWAYS FREE TO TALK TO--AND I’LL START BOTHERING YOU MORE IN 2017 TO HANGOUT LOLOLOL SO LOOK FORWARD TO THAT! AND YEAH I ALSO KNOW THAT YOU’VE BEEN HOOKED ONTO GAMING SO THAT’S THAT BUT DW I’M LIKE THAT TOO SO ???? RIP LOLOLOL BUT SERIOUSLY KAI, YOU’RE AN AWESOME D00D AND FRIEND TO HAVE, DON’T LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE ALRIGHT? LOVE YOU SO MUCH KAI, HERE’S A BIG HUG FROM A SALTY WAVE <33333

Okay, I’m going to make an effort to write a little something for everyone else I’m going to tag, instead of being the lazy ass I am when I did my milestone post, and say what’s on my mind--bc honestly everyone I mention I have something to say to and talk about, but my laziness gets in the way and it irks me DDD: I really want to show and express to you guys just HOW MUCH I love and appreciate EVERY DAMN SINGLE ONE OF YOU! SO HERE’S SOME LOVE FROM A SALTY WAVE FROM ME!

@ferid-trash-bathory​ - || ALRIGHT WHAT DO I SAY TO YOU?? WELL HONESTLY THE MAIN THING I WANT TO TELL YOU IS THAT 1) YOUR FERID IS G R E A  T 2) MUN IS A FUNNY AND BRILLIANT PERSON 3) THANK YOU FOR BEING THE MEME YOU ARE, YOU’RE REALLY APPRECIATED AND I LOVE THE SILLY INTERACTIONS WE HAVE BETWEEN LEST AND FERID EVERY NOW AND THEN <3

@tatsu-rose-bathory​ - || YOU LITTLE CHIBI--WELL NOT REALLY SINCE YOU’RE ALSO A MOTHER BUT YOU GET WHAT I MEAN-- YOU REALLY LIKE TO PICK A BONE WITH LEST AND ALWAYS GET HURT IN RETURN, I’M REALLY SORRY ABOUT THAT DDD: LEST IS AN HONEST PRICK AHHHH BUT MUN IS A VERY SWEET PERSON THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO BOTHER MY LEST SO I’M NOT BORED LOLOLOL 

@rigr-stafford​ - || I STILL HAVE YET TO GET BACK TO THE THREAD YOU TAGGED ME IN I’M SORRY ABOUT THAT I JUST PROCRASTINATE ALOT SOBS-- BUT NOT ONLY THAT BUT YOU’RE A GREAT PERSON AND I CAN’T THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR HELPING ME SETTLE THE HEADER FOR BLOG ;;; THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKING IT WORK AND HELPING MY BLOG LOOK MORE DECENT YOU’RE THE BEST <3

@mithosofcruxis​ - || C OUGHS LOUDL Y  AT  YO U -- YOU’RE AN AWESOME PERSON AND I KNOW I’VE SAID THIS SO MUCH BUT LIKE I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY TO SHOW/EXPRESS THAT FACT??? YOU HONESTLY ARE AND I LOVE HOW REFINED YOUR CHARACTER IS, AND HOW SWEET THE MUN IS DDDD: THANK YOU FOR PUTTING UP WITH MY SLOW SELF <3

@bloodthirstylacus​ - || HEY I KNOW WE NEVER REALLY TALK, AND THE ONLY TIME WE TALK/INTERACT IS WHEN YOU SEND MY LEST RANDOM ASKS BUT HEY I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I APPRECIATE YOU DOING THAT AND YOU’RE A COOL PERSON! THANK YOU FOR BEING IN THE ONS FANDOM AND ROLEPLAYING LACUS <3

@mad-eggs-onthewall​ - || HHHHH I KNOW I ALREADY MENTIONED YOU IN MY OTHER POST BUT MAN MAN MAN I LOVE READING YOUR POSTS AS HUMPTY AND DUMPTY EVERY NOW AND THEN AND HOW YOU WRITE--AND YOUR INTERACTIONS WITH GREY ;;;; yesistalkyoupleasesuemeLOL YOU’RE A GREAT PERSON AND ROLEPLAYER, AND MUN IN GENERAL AN AWESOME PERSON! 

@panadabro​/@simply-emily24​ - || GUYS YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT I’M GOING TO SAY BUT WHO CARES I’M GONNA SAY IT AGAIN BC I HAVE TO LET YOU GUYS KNOW AGAIN HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE YOUR HARD WORK AND EFFORTS THAT YOU GUYS PUT IN TO TRANSLATE THE NEW RAWS FOR ONS IT REALLY REALLY SAVES MY LIFE THANK YOU FOR DEALING WITH ME WHENEVER I SUDDENLY POP INTO YOUR IM RANDOMLY ASKING FOR HELPING WITH TRANSLATION DDDD: <3

@cxndytuft​ - || HEY I KNOW IT’S BEEN A WHILE BUT LET ME JUST--- *SMOOTHLY SLIDES IN FRONT OF YOU* ....HELLO THERE LOLOLOL HOW’S IT BEEN? YOU’RE A SWEET PERSON AND EVEN TALKING TO ME WHEN YOU MOVED BLOGS LIKE I WAS THINKING “THIS LEGENDARY ALOIS CONSIDERS ME, SOMEONE FROM ANOTHER FANDOM, WORTHY ENOUGH TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED??? HAS GOD SPOKEN TO ME THIS DAY???” LOLOLOL SORRY THAT WAS OVERDRAMATIC BUT THAT’S HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU OKAY JUST KNOW THAT <3333

@totally-hiiragi-mahiru - || HERE YOU ARE AGAIN STILL SPAMMING MY NEWSFEED EVERY NOW AND THEN OR RATHER SPAMMING MY NOTIFICATIONS BY MASS LIKING MY POSTS LOLOL THANK YOU FOR THE SPAM, I APPRECIATE THE NOTION OF IT??? STAY COOL YOU TROUBLEMAKER <3 

@repulsc - || WHERE DID YOU COME FROM WHERE DID YOU GO-- NO SERIOUSLY WHERE DID YOU GO YOU MESSING WITH LEST AND TAUNTING HIM WAS GREAT I MISS IT DDDD: ALSO SEEING YOU AND LORDGEALES INTERACT TOO IS FUNNY AND AMUSING TO WATCH AS WELL! PLEASE COME BACK WHERE DID YOU GOOOO I KNOW YOUR YU BLOG B U T ST  I L L -HUGS YOU TIGHTLY-

@makotonarumi/@dusksovereign/@taodhair - || DAMN TSUNAMI! BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH TAGGING ALL THREE BLOGS! SORRY LOLOLOL I HONESTLY DON’T KNOW WHICH BLOG YOU CHECK THE MOST FREQUENTLY SO I’M TAGGING ALL THREE JUST TO GET YOUR ATTENTION AND TELL YOU THAT I MISS THE HELL OUT OF YOU AND LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR RETURN AND FURTHER INTERACTIONS BETWEEN LEST AND CROWLEY AND NARUMI <333 STILL HAVE YET TO FACE KURETO BUT WE’LL SEE LOLOLOL 

@asurayuucentral - || LOOK AT YOUUUU ALWAYS COMING IN TO BOTHER MY LEST LOLOLOL I LOVE IT WHENEVER YOU DO? MUN IS A VERY OUTGOING AND CHEERFUL PERSON, PLEASE CONTINUE TO BE IN THE FANDOM AND DO WHAT YOU DO ALRIGHT? <3

@lyserg42 - || MAN I TOTALLY FORGOT HOW WE EVEN FIRST MET BUT I JUST REMEMBER YOUR URL AND JUST YOU IN GENERAL AS WHO YOU ARE AND I APPRECIATE YOU BEING MY FRIEND??? EVEN IF WE RARELY TALK AND IT’S JUST TO COMMENT ON RANDOM THINGS THAT LEST DOES, I’M STILL REALLY GLAD YOU TAKE AMUSEMENT IN WATCHING LEST AND WHATEVER SHIT HE PULLS LOLOL 

@these-evil-hands - || HELLO HI YES HELLO YOU MAY NOT KNOW ME BUT CAN I TELL YOU I LOVE YOUR BLOG AND MUSE FOR LELOUCH??? THANK YOU FOR GIVING MY LEST A CHANCE AND I KNOW YOU MAY BE BUSY OR AT ROUGH TIMES LOSE MUSE EVERY NOW AND THEN, BUT YOU’RE A GREAT PERSON SO STAY GOLD!

@masterofzawarudo - || OKAY YOU-- DIO YOURSELF-- ARE AN ASS AND IF YOU SO DARE LAY A HAND ON MY SON, THEN I’LL SHOW YOU WHAT A REAL GOD OF THE UNIVERSE IS-- EVEN MORE SO THAN THAT-- Now Mun on the other hand is a really cool person and deserves love and hugs :DDDD Your presence is appreciated <3 Please look forward to the fellow High Progenitors facing off with Dio :DDD

@no-signs-no-lights - || Hello hello! I know you’re not in the OnS fandom anymore, but I still really appreciate and love your blog! And the previous contributions you’ve made to the fandom :DDDDD I look forward to a new year still stalking I MEAN following your blog for YoI content and more!

@rutilisanguinis - || I KNOW YOU’RE RARELY ACTIVE NOW BUT JUST KNOW THAT US ROLEPLAYERS STILL REMEMBERS YOU AND YOUR CROWLEY AND ARE STILL HERE TO INTERACT WITH AND JUST TALK WITH IN GENERAL <3 YOUR PORTRAYAL OF CROWLEY IS GREAT AND WHEN I FIRST JOINED TUMBLR I WAS RLLY TIMID TO APPROACH ANYONE BUT YOU’RE A REALLY NICE PERSON SO THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME TALK WITH YOU! YOU’RE AN AWESOME PERSON! <3

@iojosamakrul - || I HAVENT SEEN OR HEARD FROM YOU AWHILE BUT I HOPE YOU’RE STILL ABLE TO SEE THIS BC I KNOW WE ONLY INTERACTED LIKE ONCE, BUT IT WAS REALLY CUTESY BETWEEN KRUL AND LEST AND YOUR MUSE FOR KRUL IS CUTE TOO I LOVE IT??? PLEASE KEEP ROLEPLAYING IN THIS FANDOM WE APPRECIATE YOUR MUSE <3

@brokenhexrt - || IM AN AWFUL PERSON I STILL HAVE YET TO GET TO OUR THREAD AND MAN IT’S BEEN SUCH A WHILE IM SORRY THAT I SUCK SO MUCH AT ANSWERING TO THREADS I STILL HAVE ONES TO REPLY TO FROM MONTHS AGO??? BUT D00D YOUR ART--- SJHGSLKJHFDK YOUR ART STYLE IS AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT I ASPIRE TO BE AND WORK TO BE ;;; EVEN YOUR DOODLES WITHOUT LINING LOOKS SO FLAWLESS I’M JEALOUS AS HECK HOW DO YOU EVEN DO IT??? YOU’RE A GREAT PERSON AHHHH! 

@narcasse - || WAIT DID YOU REPLY TO OUR THREAD YET OR IS IT YOUR TURN???? IM SORRY IM JUST REALLY WORRIED BC I REALLY LOVE THE ROLEPLAY GOING ON BETWEEN US, AND LIKE I TAGGED YOU AND THE OTHER ARSLAN MUSES IN, YOU ARE HONESTLY A GREAT MUSE AND BLOG FOR NARSUS AND AM SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU GUYS PUT SO MUCH EFFORT INTO A SMALL FANDOM FGJSHGLJKERGDFG I WISH TO JOIN YOU GUYS SOON!! <333

@kaikhosrow - || OH BOI LIKE WITH NARSUS I’M SO PLEASED TO SEE YOU GUYS PORTRAYING THE MUSES OF THE ARSLAN SENKI CHARAS SO FLAWLESSLY AND PUTTING IN SO MUCH EFFORT FOR IT??? AND NOT ONLY THAT BUT MUN YOURSELF IS SO SWEET AND KIND FDHGSKLDJGHSLDFK WHAT IS THIS BOTH MUN AND MUSE ARE CINNAMON ROLLS? HONESTLY THOUGH YOU GUYS ARE REALLY APPRECIATED!!! <3333 

@gievememusic - || I KNOW WE ALREADY TALKED EARLIER BUT PLEASE STOP BEING SO FLUSTERED!!! MY WORDS ARE HONEST AND YOUR BLOG FOR GIEVE REALLY MAKES ME LAUGH AND YOU PORTRAY HIM WONDERFULLY!!! I STILL CAN’T GET OVER YOUR URL AND I KNOW I SAID THAT SO MANY TIMES BUT I JUST DON’T KNOW WHY IT GETS ME SO MUCH AHAHAHAHA BUT YOU’RE A GREAT PERSON!

@priinve - || YOU ONLY KNOW ME FROM CHATTING IN IM BUT /DEEP BREATHS/ CAN I JUST SAY YOUR PORTRAYAL OF HILMES IS JUST ???? SO PERFECT AND ON POINT?? AGAIN I’M REALLY THANKFUL THAT REALLY TALENTED WRITERS AND MUNS LIKE YOU GUYS CONTRIBUTE SO MUCH TO A SMALL FANDOM FGJSHKDJGSHLD THE SHOW DEFINITELY DESERVES MORE CREDIT!!! THANK YOU FOR BRINGING LIFE TO A SMALL FANDOM YOU’RE AN AWESOME PERSON!!!

@progenitress - || I KNOW YOU DON’T POST ANYMORE AND ARE PROBABLY INACTIVE BUT /DEEP BREATH/ WHEN I FIRST JOINED TUMBLR AND SAW YOUR BLOG FOR KRUL, IT WAS HONESTLY THE MOST BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN AND FLAWLESS BLOG I’VE EVER SEEN??? AND I WAS JUST REALLY AWED AND REALLY WANTED TO INTERACT WITH YOU BUT I WAS STILL GETTING USED TO THINGS DDD: BUT NOW YOU’RE GONE /SOBS/ I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOUR MUSE AND BLOG FOR KRUL THOUGH AND HOW AWESOME YOU WERE WITH PLAYING HER!!

@kinglest - || HEY THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE--JUST KIDDING LOLOLOL AND oh my goodness alpha if I have to be honest with you, I honestly really really think your portrayal of Lest, at least the way you write him and how he acts, is far more canon and flawless than how I do it??? I’m really jealous LOLOLOL but seriously the way you portray him honestly seems so perfect?? DDD: I FEEL SO BOTTOM-TIER COMPARED TO YOU FJHGSLKJGFDE I JUST WANTED TO GET THAT OUT OF THE WAY OKAY SO I’M GONNA RUN NOW FJGSHKDLFJ I’M NOT YOUR SENPAI LOLOLOL I AM BUT A SALTY WAVE 

@xemissarium - || DEEP BREATHS-- I REALLY STILL AM LOOKING FORWARD TO INTERACTING WITH YOU DESPITE ME KNOWING YOU’RE PROBABLY BUSY WITH OTHER THREADS OR JUST WITH IRL STUFF IN GENERAL DDDD: BUT YOUR BLOG IS AMAZING AND YOUR MUSE FOR MIKA IS GREAT AHAHAHA I ACTUALLY DON’T THINK I’VE SEEN A MIKA BLOG AS OF LATELY WHICH IS SURPRISING??? I’VE ONLY SEEN BLOGS OF VAMPIRES SO MAYBE I’M MISSING OUT ON SOMETHING BUT HEY YOU’RE HERE SO LET ME JUST STAY CLINGING TO YOU :DDDDD pleaselovemeokay /SLAPS SELF 

@sassygreytea - || OKAY YOU MAY NOT KNOW ME AND HAVE NO IDEA WHY I AM TAGGING YOU-- AND I ALREADY TAGGED YOU IN MY MILESTONE POST BUT SERIOUSLY I HAVE SOMETHING I WANT TO SAY TO YOU AT LEAST DDDD: YOUR PORTRAY OF EARL GREY IS BEAUTIFUL AND FLAWLESS, AND YOUR INTERACTIONS WITH ANYONE IN GENERAL IS REALLY GREAT I LOVE OCCASIONALLY SEEING YOUR POSTS COME ACROSS MY DASH AND READING THEM BECAUSE THEY’RE SO IN-CHARACTER AND YOUR WRITING STYLE IS ADMIRABLE???? STAY GOLD AS YOU ARE! I LOOK FORWARD TO CONTINUE FOLLOWING YOUR BLOG AND SEEING YOUR WRITING! :DDD 

@sassyshinoahiiragi - || I DUNNO IF YOU’RE THE SAME PERSON AS SASSYKRULTEPES BUT I WILL SAY SEPARATE COMMENTS TO BOTH BC I HAVE PERSONAL THINGS TO SAY-- YOU’VE BEEN HERE SINCE WHEN I FIRST JOINED TUMBLR AND WOW THAT’S A LOT OF DEDICATION RIGHT THERE! AND I HAVENT SEEN MANY ROLEPLAY BLOGS FOR THE HUMAN SIDE OF ONS SO I’M REALLY SUPER THANKFUL YOU’RE HERE AND THAT YOU ROLEPLAY SHINOA OKAY??? PLEASE NEVER DISAPPEAR AND KNOW THAT YOUR BLOG IS LOVED <3

@sassykrultepes - || I DUNNO IF ITS ME OR YOU, BUT I HAVEN’T SEEN YOUR BLOG IN A WHILE PASSING MY DASH SO I DUNNO DID YOU GO INACTIVE??? I’M REALLY SAD TO KNOW THAT BUT I WANT TO LET YOU KNOW YOUR KRUL MUSE WAS ONE OF THE BEST THAT CAUGHT MY EYE WHEN I WAS STILL GETTING USED TO TUMBLR, AND WOW WOW WOW I CAN’T BELIEVE SOMEONE WOULD BE ABLE TO PULL OFF THE SAME MUSE AS A FEW OTHER PEOPLE, BUT PUT SUCH A DISTINCT DIFFERENCE IN THE PORTRAYAL YET STILL AUDIBLY MAKE IT SEEM LIKE KRUL’S CHARACTER??? YOU’RE REALLY AMAZING AND I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT!

@krul-tan - || OH MAN ITS BEEN A WHILE SINCE WE TALKED, AND THE LAST TIME I EVER SAW YOU WAS AT ANIME CALIFORNIA (YOU’RE SO CUTE BTW AND I LOVED SEEING YOUR KRUL TEPES COSPLAY IN PERSON!!!) I MISS YOUR BLOG AND SEE THAT YOU’VE GONE SOMEWHAT INACTIVE ON IT, BUT THAT’S FINE I STILL FOLLOW YOUR MAIN BLOG BUT MAN DO I MISS SEEING YOUR KRUL DOODLES AND INTERACTIONS WITH SEVENTH-PROGENITOR-FERID-BATHORY BC HONESTLY YOU’RE A REALLY COOL AND GREAT PERSON!! I LOVE YOUR ART SO MUCH TOO AHHHH!

@offreespirit - || LULU NO-- OKAY JKJK THAT WON’T BE THE ONLY THING I SAY THIS TIME OKAY LOLOLOL BUT OH BOI MAN I KNOW YOU’RE IN A DIFFERENT FANDOM AND I UTTERLY LOST THE URL AGAIN BUT I STILL HOPE YOU SEE THIS DDDD: I MISS SEEING YOU ROLEPLAY IN THE ONS FANDOM AND TALKING TO YOU, BUT THAT’S MAINLY MY FAULT BC WHENEVER I GO TO REPLY I WANDER OFF WATCHING VIDEOS AND FORGET I’M SORRY ;;;; BUT PLEASE KNOW THAT YOU WERE ONE OF THE VERY FIRST BLOGS I SAW WHEN I FIRST JOINED TUMBLR AND REALLY CAUGHT MY EYE! AND I’M GLAD WE’RE FRIENDS STILL NOW :DDDDD <3

@lvstforblood - || AW MAN WHERE DID YOU GO???? YOUR BLOG WAS SO PERFECT AND YOUR MUSE WAS FERID WAS AMAZING?? YOU WERE REALLY SERIOUS AT TIME AND IN-CHARACTER WITH FERID, AND I WAS JUST AT AWE HOW SOMEONE CAN PULL OFF A MUSE JUST LIKE THAT??? I REALLY MISS SEEING YOUR WRITING AS FERID DDDDD: 

@13andthecross - || I KNOW YOU SAID YOU WERE ON A HIATUS OR RATHER JUST DEALIN WITH STUFF IRL AND IT’S HARD GETTING BACK INTO WRITING, BUT I ASSURE YOU THE FANDOM IS STILL OPEN TO YOU AND HERE TO WELCOME YOU BACK AND INTERACT WITH YOU AGAIN! SO DON’T BE AFRAID TO GET BACK ON YOUR MUSE AND ROLEPLAY WITH PEOPLE! YOU’RE A WELL-KNOWN CROWLEY IN THE FANDOM AND A GREAT MUN!!! WE LOVE YOU! <3

@fallen-asura - || HHHH I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF YOU’LL SEE THIS AT ALL BECAUSE YOU’VE BEEN GONE FOR SO LONG....BUT YOU WERE ONE OF THE VERY FIRST ASURAS I MET ON TUMBLR AND GAVE ME A CHANCE TO INTERACT WITH YOU! AND YOU USED TO BE SO ACTIVE AND ROLEPLAYED WITH SO MUCH PEOPLE DDDDD: THE FANDOM SEEMS SO EMPTY AND LONELY WITHOUT HAVIN YOU AROUND JUMPING EVERYWHERE AND INTERACTING WITH EVERYONE! I REALLY MISS YOU AHHHHHH I HOPE YOU’RE ALRIGHT!!!! BELATED MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEARS IF YOU HAPPEN TO SEE THIS! <3

@fifthprogenitorkyluc - || HEY I KNOW YOU’RE NEW HERE BUT I’M ALWAYS OPEN TO INTERACT WITH AND I’M REALLY HAPPY THAT YOU’VE TAKEN THE MUSE UP FOR A NEWLY INTRODUCED CHARACTER!!! I REALLY LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING YOU ROLEPLAY IN THIS FANDOM AND INTERACTING WITH YOU!! WELCOME WELCOME!!

@f-unny-bones - || I KNOW IT WAS JUST RECENT THAT WE STARTED TALKING TO EACH OTHER BUT WOW DO I REALLYLOVE YOUR MUSE FOR UNDERTAKER AND STILL HAVE YET TO ACTUALLY SEND SOMETHING FOR US TO INTERACT WITH???? IM JUST--REALLY SHY OKAY AND I STILL HAVE TO SORT OUT THE CURRENT THREADS I HAVE WITH OTHERS AND INTERACTIONS I HAVE PLANNED JGHSDKGJDFLGSD THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME A CHANCE TO INTERACT WITH YOU YOU’RE REALLY GREAT!!!

@grotesque-puppet - || I LOVE YOUR ROLEPLAY BETWEEN US RIGHT NOW!! YOU’RE INCREDIBLY DETAILED WITH YOUR WORDS AND WRITING AND JUST WOW HOW DO YOU DO IT??? YOU SEEM SO SOPHISTICATED AND REFINED WITH YOUR WRITING THAT OKAY I’LL ADMIT I’M INTIMIDATED BY AND WISH I CAN BE LIKE THAT??? THE PATIENCE TO GO THROUGH TO WEAVE TOGETHER SUCH DETAILED SENTENCES THAT CREATES A TAPESTRY OF IMAGERY IS BRILLIANT!!! I LOOK FORWARD TO CONTINUE ROLEPLAYING AND INTERACTING WITH YOU <3

HHHHH I’M REALLY SCARED TO END THE LIST HERE....BECAUSE I DEFINITELY KNOW I FORGOT A LOT OF PEOPLE AND I FEEL SO BAD ABOUT THAT??? THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE THAT REALLY STOOD OUT TO ME AND MEANS A LOT TO ME BUT BECAUSE I HAVE SO MUCH WORDS GOING ON IN MY HEAD YOUR URLS COMPLETELY SLIPPED MY MIND??? I AM SO SO SORRY ABOUT THAT AHHHHH !

IF I FORGOT YOU, PLEASE I ASK OF YOU TO IM ME BECAUSE THERE REALLY IS SOMETHING I HAVE TO SAY TO EVERYONE, ANYONE, WHO SEES THIS POST AND WASN’T TAGGED IN! FOR SURE I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT YOU AND I /HAVE/ TO SAY IT TO YOU BC I HAVE TO SHOW AND EXPRESS JUST HOW MUCH I LOVE AND APPRECIATE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU!!!

OTHER THAN THAT, I’VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOR (I shit you not) FIVE HOURS BECAUSE I’VE BEEN TRYING TO LIST PEOPLE AND REMEMBER URLS FDJSHGLKJGHLDFKJ THEN GETTING DISTRACTED AND TALKING WITH OTHER PEOPLE AND JUST IT’S BEEN A HUGE MESS, AND NOT ONLY THAT CELEBRATION FOR THE NEW YEARS IS STILL GOING ON PLEASE SAVE ME FJDGHSKDJHGLSFDKJ 

THAT SAID, I KNOW I STILL HAVE A LOT TO SAY, BUT IT’S 5 AM AS I FINISH THIS AND WILL POST TOMORRW AFTER THE NEW CHAPTER, BUT JUST KNOW THAT I REALLY LOVE AND APPRECIATE EVERYONE HERE THAT’S BEEN FOLLOWING MY BLOG!! ALL OF YOU ARE WONDERFUL PEOPLE!!!

AGAIN, A BELATED MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEARS FROM BOTH MUN AND LEST!! <3 <3 <3

[sunfloewer]

i'm so sorry to hear that life has been so tough for you, and i hope it will get better. i hope you'll find things worth living for, even if they're just small things. like the flower growing under the sun or that moment of warmth you exchanged with a total stranger. i know it's tough having to fight all the time, i know it is but it'll get better, maybe not completely and once and for all, but little by little. you deserve so so much more and i hope life will become gentler for you.

firstly, thank you for sending this message - i’m going to put it in my tag of things that make me happy / remind of happy things so thank you. this got kind of long and rambly but thank you again, this really touched me. 

i hope what i have to say doesn’t sound rude, but i do that so much you know? i find little things, every day. all the time. it’s really all i do to keep things okay but when you’re in constant never ending pain, it’s hard. while i know mentally things will get better and today has been a better day, my conditions that truly have derailed my life are degenerative so it won’t get better, it’ll just get worse. little by little is really all i have but it’s hard to hold onto because it’s not enough for me. i want so much more for myself, i’ve always had big aspirations & i used to be a junior olympic level soccer player but now i can barely get out of bed due to the pain. ive been able to settle with not going to the olympics and stuff, but even the things i’ve chosen or want now seem way too hard. i haven’t even gotten my GED or finished high school because of this. more so, it’s not enough for a lot of people around me irl who have to deal with my bullshit and i’m usually met with a lot of ableism, especially from doctors. it’s just not enough for any of them and i know i’m hurting them by being this way, by just being a bunch of wasted potential. my family on father’s day looked at me with so much pity, so much sadness, and they were surprised i was even around because they act like i choose to be sick or not there. the fight is with myself but it’s literally with everyone else. even some people close to me have been ableist, without meaning to, and it just shows that they really think i’m not doing my best. 

i’m literally doing my fucking best. i’m really really tired of fighting and having my days consist of literally fighting to take a shower or make food for myself. i’m fighting right now to reply to this because i’ve had the worst headache all day due to my chronic illnesses and i’ve done everything i can but because i’m also muggle sick, i’m limited and can’t smoke pot that usually helps. i feel like throwing up right now because of headache i have, and this is probably the least amount of pain i’ve been in in weeks if not months. i didn’t sleep for three days due to my pain and then went to the ER twice in one day, they had no idea what was wrong and couldn’t help me, pumped me full of drugs so i could finally sleep but i went through withdrawal for THREE days, just shaking so much i couldn’t think or write or even communicate. i’m just tired because i know the fight will never stop, i know it won’t get easier, and my best chance atm seems to be moving but i dont know when that’ll happen and i know that i’d have to be an inconvenience on my uncles if i did for a while. it’s tough having to fight just for basic needs, like having to fight to sit up, having to fight to breathe properly, having to fight to get my ice pack. and then that’s not even including the mental. plus, more recently i’ve had a lot of people use me for shit and it’s started to get to me because honestly is that all i’m worth? them to use me for info, other things, and then throw me away? i can’t help thinking i deserve it. 

but thank you for telling me i deserve so much more then all this bullshit because i’m trying to tell myself that but it’s hard? because i feel like a horrible person a lot of the time, a burden especially, and the fact that i even have a roof over my head is enough i shouldn’t complain about anything else. i shouldn’t want for more because i’d be homeless if i didn’t live with my mom bc i physically can’t take care of myself anymore, really. it hurts the most because i can’t be the friend i want to be, i can’t be the person i want to be in a few ways because of all this. i want to take care of my friends and family, i want to drive them places or just BE there. and i usually can’t. i want to be enough but i’m not. a lot of them resent that. but thank you for all this, because it’s nice and kind to send something like this and i really really appreciate. i doubt life will be gentler but hopefully, i can be stronger when dealing with life being rough. i really do cherish the good days, the good moments, i really really do. but im so scared in the end it’s not going to be enough.